I cannot be here.

I cannot be here. I cannot come to school and act like everything is fine. I cannot deal with the questions: “Where are you going to school next year?” “What’s your number one choice?”

I cannot be honest when people ask me these questions. Where are you going to school next year? Answer: I’m not. I’m moving to California or Boston, getting a job, saving for college, and attending community college classes. I’m not going to Stanford, Harvard, or Princeton. I’m going to pay for my own college.

I’m not going to my first choice college because apparently, I’m so fucked up, that I can’t function on my own, so I have to go to school within a hundred mile radius of my house. Why? Because I’ll go crazy, do nothing, and sleep with all my professors. Really mom and dad, really? No, that’s not going to fucking happen.

I’m going to do what I need to do to be happy. I’m so unhappy at my school, surrounded by people who have problems to the extent of – “I hate my mom, she won’t let me go to a party this weekend.” or “Damn, I only got a B on that test.” And crying.

Look around and fucking realize what you have. Your parents will pay for a $60,000 a year college, mine won’t. My parents won’t let me go anywhere that I will be happy. They would rather me be miserable and close to home, going to therapy everyday.

Is something actually wrong with me and people are lying? Or am I normal and people are affirming that?

I have no idea anymore.


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