I’m interested in what moving on means to different people. The following is just me processing what it means to me and what I think. Please feel free to respond and share what you think.
At this point in my life, I really do not know what moving on is. I have had many different experiences with “moving on”. I’ve had experiences where I was able to completely move on and have no romantic or sexual feelings towards my ex-partner, and I have had (and still am having) an experience where I have been unable to “get over” my ex. But if someone was once such an important and critical part of your life and who you were, do those feelings ever completely go away? I will always love the people I was with, in one way or another, though most will not be in romantic ways. I will never regret my relationships, either. I do believe, though, that there are those relationships with certain people that touch you a little bit deeper than others. Relationships with certain people that you thought were going to last. Relationships with people that you didn’t want to end. Relationships with people that you still want back. Relationships with people that you wish had never ended.
Moving on is a complicated term. To some it means completely forgetting the person you were once romantically involved with, while to others it means forgetting the romantic and sexual part of a relationship and continuing on as friends (ah, friends). Some relationships I have been able to move on with no contact and that’s been healthy and good for me. Other relationships, that would not be good for me. It’s all about what’s best for you, as an individual, I guess. An old partner of mine is one of the people who knows me best in this world and can always put a smile on my face – I would not want them out of my life for a second. Another ex of mine is not healthy for me to remain in contact with, so I don’t. Safety and comfort are big factors in moving on.
I would say it’s easier to be “just friends” if that’s how the relationship and connection started. While it is easier, it’s definitely not easy – I can attest to that. But if it started as a pure lust situation, it is most likely not going to be a walk in the park to becoming friends. It’s not easy to be just friends either way, some even say it’s impossible. And I guess when you think about it, you’ve shared some pretty intimate moments and details about you and your life, and you’ve probably seen each other naked – those things don’t just stop and end because the relationship does. They happened and there is no taking them back. So it is more difficult to look past those as memories, especially when they are positive and healthy.
This blog post has been all over the place regarding moving on and I will most likely write a follow-up post continuing my thoughts on it. My final thoughts for this post, though, are these:
1. You have to want to move on. It cannot be forced.
2. You don’t have to forget the good times with your old partner, you can still reminisce and enjoy the laughs you shared.
3. You are allowed to still love them. They were once important in your life and if you want them to be in your life in any way, shape, or form – let them be.
I have so much more to say on this topic, but for now I think it’s better I quit while I’m ahead. I’d love to hear other’s experiences with ex’s and moving on as well!