On This Fourth of July

Happy 4th of July Everyone! And Happy Birthday America!

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On this fine day in Minnesota (beautiful and sunny), I am inside writing and enjoying refreshing drinks! But not to worry – I do have plans for fireworks and the lake later šŸ™‚

This post is more of a reflection on what my life has been since “summer” began, and it’ll make me seem human to all of you that care and are gracious enough to follow my blog. I have begun and finished one summer class and am now in the homestretch of another. I am working pretty much every day. I see friends when I can. I keep myself busy so I don’t have time to think about the stress and residual trauma and issues I am dealing with. But on days like today (i.e. days I have off) those things hit me life a train that has no breaks, continuously. So, I look to the future. I plan for the future. And I hope for the future.

I imagine the day I graduate college (May of 2015) and start my journey to graduate school, whether that be on the East or West coast. I imagine what my love life will look like (and yes, I do have an idea, or more of a hope, of what that will be). I imagine if I will be scared, excited, or a combination of both. I wonder what it will be like to completely leave Minnesota behind – and never look back. I wonder who I will meet and what I will become. I think that my growth as an individual has been hindered by my experiences here (in Minnesota) and the lack of my ability to escape completely. I hope to become a more liberated and independent woman once I move. But only time will tell these things, as badly as I want to know (some of it) now.

But then I reminisce. There have been some great times with some great people in my life and I think about those times. Things in my everyday life that remind me and I don’t have time to think about them in that moment, so I remember later. I remember the times I would go to the drive-in movie theater with my best friend, Gina, who didn’t come home this summer. I remember my times in LV and the amazing weather, food, sights, and laughs. I remember my carriage house apartment above my old friend’s garage and how perfect of a fit that was for me. I remember the hard times too, though. The tears, the lonely nights and days, and the rumors/trauma. But even though it was a combination of a horrible and amazing summer, I would give a lot to go back and relive some of those weeks where nothing could touch me and nothing could bother me. Those were some great times with great people that I will never forget and always hold very near and dear to my heart.

This is what much of my “free” time is spent doing, besides writing, planning my study abroad semester to Australia, and Economics homework; planning and reminiscing.

But, I am off to finish doing my laundry and other chores before my company arrives. I wish you all a very safe and happy fourth!

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2 thoughts on “On This Fourth of July”

  1. Hi Mary.
    I hope what comes is what’s best for you. Sometimes we grow stronger because of the bad experiences if we work through them. Someone once said to me: “The only way through it is through it.” I’m an old lady now and I’ve been through it a lot. I’m happier than I ever thought I’d be and certainly more comfortable with myself. Best wishes to you. Australia, huh? That’s so cool.
    Lily

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