Family is a complicated concept. It didn’t used to be, but with all the disowning, disapproval, judgement, and issues with religion, sexuality, identity, etc. the notion of family has become somewhat distorted.
The traditional definition of family is biological ties and a shared living space. It also includes two parents of opposite genders and children. Divorced parents, homosexual and cohabiting couples, and single parents are not included in this definition. Best friends, close colleagues, and anyone who is supportive aren’t included either.
The definition of family has changed dramatically as people go through difficult times within the family and without. Many people have to go outside those biologically related to them to find what they need in relationships. Family has turned into anyone who is unconditionally supportive and loving.
While I fully support seeking support, love, and care anywhere you can find it, I think it’s sad that we even have to go outside our blood relatives to do so. Our biological families should be there for us – no matter what. They should care about our well-being in an appropriate way. They should want us to be with someone we love and who loves us back. They should want us to be open with them. They should want us to come to them when we need help. Family shouldn’t judge or destroy us. I will never understand why some family dynamics are the way they are, nobody can understand it all, but it deeply saddens me that there are people who cannot turn to their family with everything and be welcomed with unconditional love.
All the shit that life throws at us is terrible and not having a family, or even a single member, to turn to makes it harder to handle. We cannot handle everything on our own. We need the love and support of others to make it through difficult times. And if we have to turn to our best friends, colleagues, teammates, and others over those who are our blood to help us, then so be it. All I know is I think it’s a tragedy. Not having your biological family step up and set their values, beliefs, and pride aside to be there for you and provide a safe place for you is a tragedy.
If you fit into this category… I apologize on behalf of your family. You are a beautiful person regardless of your struggles and imperfections. They have no right to desert you. Find others. You deserve better. You’re worthy. Carry on.