I apologize for the lack of activity!

Hey everyone! I just wanted to apologize for the lack of activity recently. I work at the football stadium at my university and as you can imagine (since it is a Big 10 and Division I school), it is extremely busy and hectic. I get home and I’m exhausted. Many of my friends that go to school out of state are also leaving and I am trying to see them as well.

But on a brighter note – my best friend is coming home on Sunday for a week! I could not be more excited. We haven’t physically seen each other in almost 9 months. We have a lot of catching up to do and I couldn’t miss her more. So that’s very exciting!

I will try to write a couple more posts that are more like me within the next couple of weeks before classes begin. If not, I apologize and once things settle down and I get done what I need to get done I will be back to writing more frequently 🙂

Thank you for understanding and have a peaceful day 🙂

xx

It’s Happening!

Well, it’s happening! I was officially accepted into James Cook University study abroad program in Townsville, Queensland Australia! I could not be more excited. But it’s an expensive trip… so any donations (click the link below) would be greatly greatly appreciated! I am so blessed to have this amazing, once in a lifetime opportunity!

http://www.gofundme.com/studyabroadjcu

🙂 Thank you so much! Share with your own followers, too please!

Confessions and Realizations of a Future Therapist:

As I stated in my last post, I sometimes find people exhausting. Their infinite personalities, multitude of situations and circumstances, and how they treat each other. Shockingly, even their problems, especially those that seem minuet (compared to my own), bother me. This is alarming to me, as my career choice is to help people. I want to help people… But I hate so many things about them.

I hate the way that they play games with each other. I hate the way that they chase. I hate the way that they distance. I hate the way that they give up. I hate the way they walk away. I hate the way they bully, insult, and call each other names. I hate the way they cheat, lie, and steal. I hate the way they use religion or a higher power to condemn each other. I hate the sarcasm, the guessing, the wondering, the torturous acts. But most of all, I hate the way that all of these things interact and can destroy a person and those around them. I hate the way that this can lead to depression, anxiety, PTSD, and suicide. I hate the way that the words and actions of others can change a person, sometimes for the better, but usually for the worse. The harsh reality is that people are cruel. People can be sick and do horrible things without feeling any remorse for their actions. And that makes me livid.

And that’s when my sensitive and caring side comes into play… I want others to be happy. I want to help others realize many, if not all, the things stated above aren’t healthy for a satisfying and fulfilling life. But unfortunately, that is the world we live in. Things happen, trust and privacy are breeched, people hurt us, and we are damaged. But that doesn’t have to be the end, we don’t have to let our past and experiences keep us down and end our lives.

I have not had the easiest road to travel down. There have been cracks and sinkholes, thorns and weeds, snowstorms and black ice. While I faced much of it alone, I had a therapist (okay, multiple) and she helped me realize that being there for someone in need is a crucial thing. She helped me through some of the most difficult and traumatic experiences of my life and I feel my calling is to pay it forward and do the same for others. I want to help others the way I know how.

I care about people and their well-being. It’s one of my biggest weaknesses and one of my greatest strengths. I love it and I hate it. I often give more than I receive yet I still haven’t learned to pull back, although I’m working on it. This is a quality of mine that will make me a great therapist (I hope). I want to give and help others through and on their journey to achieve happiness and do what works for them, whatever that entails.

I don’t want others to experience what I have. If I can help others avoid or counsel them after traumatizing experiences and succeed even once… Then my life will be fulfilled. If I can help a person, couple, or family reach a happier, healthier, and safer point in their lives, then I have done what I believe I have been put here to do. After that, I can die happy and satisfied.

I think I Might Actually Be an Introvert..

While at work today I was thinking about how exhausting I find dealing with people. Being around people, engaging in conversation, pretending to care and act interested is so frustrating and draining.  I’m a friendly person and I can be outgoing around people I’m comfortable with, but I think often times people mistake that for being an extrovert. But inside, being around a large group of people, most of whom I don’t know, makes me anxious and uncomfortable. I admire those who can do that because I believe it takes a lot of self-confidence and awareness to feel okay and good in a large group setting. While I have (what I consider to be) a healthy level of self-confidence and awareness, I just cannot seem to “thrive off of other people’s energy”, unless I know them well. There are few people I feel I can be completely vulnerable and myself with – there are maybe five people (well, now four…). But to those extroverts, you are really amazing people and I sometimes envy you. I need my solitude and alone time with no contact with anyone, otherwise I feel stressed, anxious, and am a complete, excuse my language, bitch. When people are too demanding of my time, especially the little time that I do have with my hectic work schedule and getting ready for classes to begin in the fall, I get very agitated and upset. Then they think I’m “bipolar” (I have actually been called that, which I find offensive to label or call anyone something that you have no actual idea about), a bitch, narcissistic, and whatever else, when I’m actually just exhausted and wanting time to myself. Note to everyone – do not take it personally, it has nothing to do with you – I am doing what I need to to keep myself mentally/emotionally sane and healthy. Whew, good to get that out. 

On another note:

All I want right now is to take a road trip, alone, with no destination in mind – I just want to drive and see where I end up. I want to drive to a beach or a cabin and write. I want to have a week or two to myself to just write and not have to worry about classes, work, or anyone or anything else. I want solitude. I want alone time. I want to forget my phone and social networking sites. I want to forget that people exist. I want to find myself completely lost in a journal entry and a cup of coffee, not worrying what time it is or where I have to be in an hour. And someday, I will do this. Maybe when I get back from Australia in July of next year. 

How perfect would that be? Does anyone else feel the same?

Feel free to reply with what your dream would be.