I think I Might Actually Be an Introvert..

While at work today I was thinking about how exhausting I find dealing with people. Being around people, engaging in conversation, pretending to care and act interested is so frustrating and draining.  I’m a friendly person and I can be outgoing around people I’m comfortable with, but I think often times people mistake that for being an extrovert. But inside, being around a large group of people, most of whom I don’t know, makes me anxious and uncomfortable. I admire those who can do that because I believe it takes a lot of self-confidence and awareness to feel okay and good in a large group setting. While I have (what I consider to be) a healthy level of self-confidence and awareness, I just cannot seem to “thrive off of other people’s energy”, unless I know them well. There are few people I feel I can be completely vulnerable and myself with – there are maybe five people (well, now four…). But to those extroverts, you are really amazing people and I sometimes envy you. I need my solitude and alone time with no contact with anyone, otherwise I feel stressed, anxious, and am a complete, excuse my language, bitch. When people are too demanding of my time, especially the little time that I do have with my hectic work schedule and getting ready for classes to begin in the fall, I get very agitated and upset. Then they think I’m “bipolar” (I have actually been called that, which I find offensive to label or call anyone something that you have no actual idea about), a bitch, narcissistic, and whatever else, when I’m actually just exhausted and wanting time to myself. Note to everyone – do not take it personally, it has nothing to do with you – I am doing what I need to to keep myself mentally/emotionally sane and healthy. Whew, good to get that out. 

On another note:

All I want right now is to take a road trip, alone, with no destination in mind – I just want to drive and see where I end up. I want to drive to a beach or a cabin and write. I want to have a week or two to myself to just write and not have to worry about classes, work, or anyone or anything else. I want solitude. I want alone time. I want to forget my phone and social networking sites. I want to forget that people exist. I want to find myself completely lost in a journal entry and a cup of coffee, not worrying what time it is or where I have to be in an hour. And someday, I will do this. Maybe when I get back from Australia in July of next year. 

How perfect would that be? Does anyone else feel the same?

Feel free to reply with what your dream would be. 

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4 thoughts on “I think I Might Actually Be an Introvert..”

  1. Hi, Mary. I feel this way, often! Earlier in the year, I took a road trip to Chaco Canyon, New Mexico with a friend of mine. At the time, I lived in Albuquerque, so it was only a couple of hours. To make a long story short, I ended up resenting my friend for talking the entire time, and I felt continually distracted from seeing the ruins and petroglyphs. I can’t really blame my friend, since I invited him to go along. But it was a trip I was planning for years, and I had imagined it so differently.

    It is perfectly okay to enjoy your solitary time…I think planning little trips or excursions alone are a great way to ground you in such a chaotic world. I like people, too. But many times I feel as you do, and don’t always know how to keep from getting sucked into other’s chaos. I’ve learned that I need a little time every week to center me, and if I don’t get it, watch out 🙂 Great post! And thanks for following my blog, too.

    1. I’m sorry to hear about your trip, Tiffany! I hope you might get to take it again one day and have it go as you pictured.

      But thank you, I think we are in the exact same boat! Thanks for the feedback 🙂

  2. Hi Mary! It’s human nature to need solitude as a counterbalance to the intensity of our lives, especially these days. I think it used to be easier to have solitude in your life, that it was more naturally built in when the world wasn’t so intense. Now we have to build in time for ourselves and anyone else should understand that need as they must themselves feel it from time to time. Go for it. Make solitary pleasure a daily ritual through meditation, a bath, tea with a good book or whatnot. You know what to do. Make it yours. Tell others to just bug off. 🙂 Lily

  3. I think everyone feels as you do at least some of the time. I know I do. When I was working I sometimes felt I was just too busy to be nice. Which now in retrospect isn’t necessarily a trait I find desirable, but I think it’s normal. I also feel like running away to be by myself from time to time. Usually when I am under a lot of stress and very anxious. Again, I think it’s normal to want to get away from it all sometimes. I have often dreamed of living in a cabin alone, writing.

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