Confessions and Realizations of a Future Therapist:

As I stated in my last post, I sometimes find people exhausting. Their infinite personalities, multitude of situations and circumstances, and how they treat each other. Shockingly, even their problems, especially those that seem minuet (compared to my own), bother me. This is alarming to me, as my career choice is to help people. I want to help people… But I hate so many things about them.

I hate the way that they play games with each other. I hate the way that they chase. I hate the way that they distance. I hate the way that they give up. I hate the way they walk away. I hate the way they bully, insult, and call each other names. I hate the way they cheat, lie, and steal. I hate the way they use religion or a higher power to condemn each other. I hate the sarcasm, the guessing, the wondering, the torturous acts. But most of all, I hate the way that all of these things interact and can destroy a person and those around them. I hate the way that this can lead to depression, anxiety, PTSD, and suicide. I hate the way that the words and actions of others can change a person, sometimes for the better, but usually for the worse. The harsh reality is that people are cruel. People can be sick and do horrible things without feeling any remorse for their actions. And that makes me livid.

And that’s when my sensitive and caring side comes into play… I want others to be happy. I want to help others realize many, if not all, the things stated above aren’t healthy for a satisfying and fulfilling life. But unfortunately, that is the world we live in. Things happen, trust and privacy are breeched, people hurt us, and we are damaged. But that doesn’t have to be the end, we don’t have to let our past and experiences keep us down and end our lives.

I have not had the easiest road to travel down. There have been cracks and sinkholes, thorns and weeds, snowstorms and black ice. While I faced much of it alone, I had a therapist (okay, multiple) and she helped me realize that being there for someone in need is a crucial thing. She helped me through some of the most difficult and traumatic experiences of my life and I feel my calling is to pay it forward and do the same for others. I want to help others the way I know how.

I care about people and their well-being. It’s one of my biggest weaknesses and one of my greatest strengths. I love it and I hate it. I often give more than I receive yet I still haven’t learned to pull back, although I’m working on it. This is a quality of mine that will make me a great therapist (I hope). I want to give and help others through and on their journey to achieve happiness and do what works for them, whatever that entails.

I don’t want others to experience what I have. If I can help others avoid or counsel them after traumatizing experiences and succeed even once… Then my life will be fulfilled. If I can help a person, couple, or family reach a happier, healthier, and safer point in their lives, then I have done what I believe I have been put here to do. After that, I can die happy and satisfied.


14 thoughts on “Confessions and Realizations of a Future Therapist:”

  1. I envy you for pursuing your goal. I know that for me that is something I have always wanted and have felt and still feel how you express yourself. It’s sad how the people in the world treats each other and if we could all just be loving and understanding the world would be such a better place. It’s nice to have people like you out there though who see this need and want to do something about it. I wish you luck on your journey and I have no doubt that you will reach your goal one day. Great post!

  2. Mary, I believe so many of the behaviors you hate arise from imbalance. Many are symptoms of PTSD. Finding balance opens the door to joy, and folks are free to accept our aid or not. Maybe the greatest reward is learning compassion and acceptance, and to refuse to be part of harm.

  3. Mary,
    Currently you might hate all those things that people do, but as a therapist you can’t condemn or judge. I’ve been a therapist for a zillion years. I almost always like my clients. Accept them. Laugh at them, take it lightly. You start where the client is at, as they say. You have to accept them and be realistic when you set goals. You’ll grow to love your work. I’ve had a great career at it, never burnt out, and still like my clients almost without exception. It’s a job, and a great job. I’ll bet you’ll be good at it. Intelligence is a great asset. Love and humor too help a lot.

    1. I’m aware that as a therapist I can’t condemn or judge, and I won’t. I guess that was more venting based on my experiences. I just don’t understand why there is so much negativity in the world today, which is why I want to help others overcome it. But thank you so much for the advice – I hope to receive more 🙂

  4. I just want to hug you Mary K. Wheeler, for your feelings of strength and your frustrations.

    If you will allow me, I’d like to share with you a little of what I have learned walking over similar coals to yours. I can say with fair certainty that your strengths will grow and your frustrations will lessen. The negativity of people will find a different place in your mind for assessment, one that will not pile onto your heart so heavily. None of us gets away with getting to that place easily though. We used to call these bridges in our journeys baptism by fire. You may be able to shorten the trip, and I really hope you can, but I think you could be easier on yourself in order for that to happen. Soon enough, as much as you are feeling right now, you will feel again as genuine compassion for the people that you will help.

    Take good care,

  5. I enjoy your writing and blog on a whole, best of luck in your education and pursuit of helping others!!! It is hard not to judge, and remember, the box is not your friend 😉

    Think on that one.

  6. I think what will make you a good therapist is your realisation that “I want to help people… But I hate so many things about them.” Thanks for putting a smile on my face.

    Actually, I think that as a therapist you can judge, you will judge, you cannot stop yourself judging… it’s a human trait and a useful one at that. The trick is to find the essence of the person, their point of hurt and see that stronger than the bad behaviour and mirror it back to them when they can’t see it at all. And as Bumba says, you will like your clients. At the moment you’re just looking at people, but when you have one individual (or a couple) in front of you, you see them for who they are. Best of luck!

  7. I used to feel just like what you described (or at least my interpretation of what you describe which would be based on my experience, which would color my interpretation – Oh cyclical arguments). Any how, I get distracted. It took time but eventually I came to realize that most people are acting on their own pain, they react to people based on their past experience and generally when they are being horrible to others its because life taught them this is how to behave. The person who is critical of another was probably criticized mercilessly as a child. The person who is violent towards others was probably treated violently. The person who always puts others needs first was probably taught that their needs are unimportant. On it goes. Some (including me) are lucky enough that circumstances become so horrific (yes I did stay lucky, stay with me) that we are forced into greater self awareness and with greater self awareness comes an awareness of how others behaviors interact, to at times, create unhappiness and for a while we become disheartened, and this reaction is just a result of our previous experience also.

    Hang in there, with a commitment to continued development of self awareness you will also develop an acceptance of others behaviors and be-able to extend compassion for the pain that causes them to behave in that way without taking on or interacting with their pain. This doesn’t mean you have to condone these behaviors in fact we are much less likely to collude with them when we accept them without getting wrapped up in them. Sometimes I still feel as you describe, when that happens I consider three things. I can not directly affect the actions of another human being, I can’t make them see that there behavior is harming others and that is a bad thing, they must come to that conclusion themselves before they will change. The second, the most likely way they will grow beyond this behavior is if they too go through such horrific experiences, do I really want to wish that on another human being? Finally, I look at the person, really look at them and consider that one day just like me they will die, I really consider that knowledge, I try to feel the emotions it creates, with that its much more difficult to hold on to those feelings of anger and frustration.

    Helping others didn’t make me happy, there were always too many to help and I couldn’t save the whole world I found happiness and peace when I learned to accept the world and my place in it, exactly as it is. You are a valuable person, the fact that you are aware of the way peoples behaviors affect them suggest that you will make an excellent therapist. Don’t be hard on yourself because you have these feeling, they’re perfectly normal, you are the best person you can be at this time, you don’t have to be perfect just commit to continual self development and you will become better with each moment.

    Hope this makes at least a little sense.

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