Tag Archives: education

I leave in one month.

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Note: This is a post of my late night thoughts. Apologies for any typos/errors. 

     One month from today (December 28th), I will embark on a journey that will, more likely than not, change me and change my life. I will be studying abroad in Australia for five months. The feelings I feel right now are mixed; more nervous than excited but more excited than scared. I will not change my mind and I will go, but I am worried.

     I worry I will be forgotten. I worry that, while abroad, I will miss everything back home and get back too late to catch up. 

     I worry that the time difference will hinder my ability to stay in contact with the people I want to, and their ability to keep me updated on their lives as well.

     I worry that I will get there, despise everyone but learn to love them, be homesick, then come home and have those feelings about those I originally missed. 

     I worry I’ll become too attached to my new life abroad and become severely depressed upon returning. 

     I worry about being missed. I worry about changing “too much”. I worry that I will get back and be lost. I worry that I will lose certain people I have recently come to grow very fond of, or they simply will not care to get to know the “new” me, if there is one. I worry that I’ll forget to say something I want to say or the last hug won’t be tight enough. I worry I’ll forget. 

     But at the same time I could not be more stoked about what these months will bring. 

     I’m excited about the adventures I am certain to have. I am excited about not working, just studying, and being able to take advantage of all of my free time. I am excited about the people I will meet, the new start I will have, and the opportunity to create a completely new self if I so choose. I am excited, but also worried, about what studying in a country, so different but so similar at the same time, to mine will be like. I am excited to learn at a University that is less than 45 years old but has accomplished so much. I am excited to bring what I learn home, to the people I love. 

But amongst all my worry and excitement I must remember that yes, I am leaving soon, but I will also come back. 

I will come back a new person, a new young woman. I will come back with experiences, stories, and knowledge that no one else has.

I will come back and I will be okay. I will be happy. 

This will be just another journey on my path through life.

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It’s Happening!

Well, it’s happening! I was officially accepted into James Cook University study abroad program in Townsville, Queensland Australia! I could not be more excited. But it’s an expensive trip… so any donations (click the link below) would be greatly greatly appreciated! I am so blessed to have this amazing, once in a lifetime opportunity!

http://www.gofundme.com/studyabroadjcu

🙂 Thank you so much! Share with your own followers, too please!

Reflecting.

Hello all – this is solely a personal post for my own sake. This is me processing.

Recently I’ve been grieving a loss of someone very important in my life. They were one of my best friends and one of the people I trusted most in this world. They knew me better than anyone. I miss them…more than they know.

I don’t understand why things have turned out the way they have, or how exactly to deal with the current circumstances. I want to reach out, share what’s been going on in my world…but I am scared. I’m afraid of rejection and harsh words. I can’t take that right now, which is why I remain silent.

Which leads to the next part:

Silent…something I’ve been for far too long. Silence…something that has been forced upon me by those with more power. But I don’t want that anymore. I’m hurting and I’m suffering and I’m trying to deal with what life has thrown and continues to throw at me but it’s becoming a nightmare. A real, living, gut churning nightmare.

Things aren’t okay. Things are not fine and dandy. I am still suffering and dealing with the repercussions of what happened, mind you. I’m not “fine”. I’m not good. I’m going through the motions of each day and coming home and feeling unfulfilled. There’s no one to share things with here. There’s no one to understand my mind and what has happened and how I need to process it. There’s no one here, only me.

That’s why I want to go to Australia to study abroad. I want to get the hell away from all that I know and have an adventure for once in my life. I want the great feeling of not knowing anyone. I want to meet new people, see new places, and have new experiences. I want to go to a place where nothing reminds me of home, or them, or anything. I want an entirely new environment. And I’m going to get it.

I want to come back a new woman, or at least a woman that has learned and seen more than what was in her backyard. I want to come back a woman who loves deeper and is more compassionate. I want to come back a woman who is no longer (or who no longer feels) damaged, broken, and empty.

And I will do this, too.

Someday, somehow, this will happen. I will find myself and find happiness.

It will happen.

Today Marks the Day

Today marks the day that I will become a healthier person mentally, emotionally, physically, and intellectually.

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I will start taking better care of myself; eating healthier, cutting back on other (sometimes negative) behaviors, working out more intensely, and filling my free time with writing and engaging with people who make me happy.

I will work and study harder, save more, and enjoy my days. I will prepare for what my future will bring me and what the next academic year entails. And I will embrace the time I have left in college and in life.

I will stay on track. I will succeed. I won’t let small failures ruin my chances. In order to learn and grow, I must fail. These failures will make me who I am and shape me into a better person.

I will attend to relationships that need attending to. I will not walk out on anyone who has been significant in my life. I will not be that person that turns away and hurts those I love because I am scared or insecure. I will let my relationships flourish. I will not sabotage them.

Happiness is something everyone deserves, however it comes to them. And I am determined to find my own genuine happiness. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect; it means accepting the imperfections in yourself and in your life and making the most of it all. Finding happiness is a journey – a long and, more often than not, painful journey, with many bumps along the way.

Today marks the first day of this journey for me. I am determined.

I have returned!

Hello everyone! I have returned, hopefully for good now. 

I got back from Tennessee late on Wednesday night and have been working my butt of yesterday and today! Luckily, I have tomorrow and Sunday off and will be doing some much needed socializing (lake, sushi, party!) and getting some errands checked off my list. 

Over my weekend, I was told that I “need to get me a gun because you never know what will happen up north” and that “I’ve had some trouble with my Rae-Anne, too. So I’ve been thinking of you sweet pea”. Oh, thank you so much! I know I’ve been a burden the past three years on everyone around me, I didn’t need your affirmation. And sorry to break it to you, but I live in the city.. in a college town. I have mace and will be alright, thanks though!

Ahh.. family. So glad to be back at my apartment and back at work. We’re getting ready for football season, and at a almost 1 million sq. foot outdoor stadium.. that is quite the ordeal. Cannot wait for those 12-hour football game shifts.

So until school starts I shall be trying to see as many of my friends as possible (before they leave and go off to their respective schools) and working as much as I can. Gotta save up for Australia! Speaking of which, I submitted my application yesterday 🙂

Wish me luck. I hope you all are well!

xx Mary

Help Me Study Abroad!

Help Me Study Abroad!

Hello everyone – I am trying to study abroad this coming spring (2014) in Australia and I am trying to raise money so I can make the most of the wonderful experience I hope to have. Most of the deadlines for scholarships have passed, therefore I am reaching out to my greater community to help if they can do so! Anything helps, thank you.